Chapter 11. Recognizing Sadness

Let's take a look at some of the things that can occur at the emotional level that can arouse feelings of sadness.

Sadness, like fear, exists right between our ears and always has to do with the loss or separation of a love object.

Of all our sadness, the loss of closeness, companionship and affection appears to be one of our most common and our greatest sadness.

We might even be aware of the accompanying fear surrounding the loss of these things.

Seldom though are we aware of the anger that usually accompanies sadness. We simply experience the heavy heart, the lump in the throat, the tears, the loneliness, and the sorrow.

If you are having some real difficulty coping with the loss, separation, or death of a loved one, it may be because of the unrecognized anger! Remember,

Those we feel sad about we are often angry toward!

It's so important that we be aware of the anger as well as the sadness! Here are the steps to handle the feelings of sadness and anger:

Recognize the sadness and accept it as a normal human emotion.

Be aware of who you're sad about and why you're sad.

Be aware that fear often accompanies sadness and accept your fear as a normal human emotion.

Be aware that those you are sad about you will often feel angry toward and accept your anger as a normal human emotion.

Resolve the anger by expressing it the right way to the one involved in your sadness.

Sometimes, if your loved one was very close, your sadness may appear to cause depression and even suicidal thoughts. At that point, it's especially important that you deal with your anger!

Sadness has never caused death from suicide yet! It's unrecognized, unaccepted, unexpressed and unresolved anger that drives a person to murder themselves and deprive their loved ones from their presence!

There are several things that can help you overcome the sadness and sorrow of loss:

First, come to grips with your anger. If your anger remains unrecognized, unaccepted and unresolved, your adjustment time to loss may be increased along with the severity of your sorrow!

Second, let your tears flow! It's important however, that you recognize the kind of tears you're crying! There are tears of sadness, tears of sorrow, tears of anger, tears of confusion, tears of frustration, and tears of happiness. Try to know your tears and accept both the tears and the feelings behind your tears. Tell yourself, "It's O. K. to be sad. It's alright to be angry. It's good to cry tears of sadness and anger! It's O. K.!

If your tears are tears of manipulation however, disapprove of the dishonesty but accept your anger!

Finally, experience the "joy of sorrow". Go to a loved one and cry your tears as your embrace them. If you perceive your feelings and need for affection to be understood and accepted, you will experience the "joy of sorrow" This joy is a wonderful healing experience which will help lessen the adjustment time to loss.

 

Next: Helping Others See Their Feelings

 

Stress Reduction Through Honesty in Communication by John Twelker, Copyright 1986, John Twelker Enterprises, Inc.