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THE
STEPS TO STRESS REDUCTION I. Steps to Stress Reduction: Graphic II. Steps to Stress Reduction: Text IV. Exercises to Increase Awareness
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| Chapter 17. Getting Through The Expression /Acceptance Barrier
Remember, the Recognition /Acceptance Barrier exists because of our inability to be honest with ourselves and to accept our feelings. That which we cannot accept we cannot recognize. The Expression /Acceptance Barrier exists for exactly the same reason. That which we cannot accept we cannot express. In counseling sessions, I observed that it was difficult for people to get through the Recognition/Acceptance Barrier; more difficult to get through the Expression/Acceptance Barrier; and even more difficult to get through the Affection/Acceptance Barrier. But remember,
It seemed that the only difference between the barriers was the quantity of honesty and acceptance needed: it seemed to take a little honesty and acceptance to recognize, more honesty and acceptance to express and even more honesty and acceptance to exchange affection. Why? In my opinion, the fear and anger factor increases each step of the way.
At each step, if we block long enough, we default to the Starting Point and remain stressed out.
Be aware that there are three ways to break though the Expression / Acceptance Barrier.
The fastest and easiest way through the Expression/Acceptance Barrier is simply to confront the person you have feelings toward, take a deep breath, and start expressing. Your fear will diminish as you perceive acceptance of your feelings from within or without. Your happiness will increase as you express your feelings the right way. Afterwards, you'll be so proud of yourself for doing it! You may even wonder why you waited so long! The Secondary Roads to Success The slower and more difficult way through the barrier is to increase your acceptance level to the point where you are able to express your feelings. This isn't easy but it is possible and you can do it! Start by increasing your intellectual acceptance. Tell yourself, "I was created with feelings. They are there for a purpose and they're alright! My challenge is to express them in the right way!" Really know that fact and believe it to be true for you! For more help:
Then, begin taking steps to increase your emotional acceptance level. This kind of acceptance comes from actual experiences in having your feelings accepted! Remember, you cannot have something that has never been given and you can't give something you don't have, not even to yourself! So, go to your dialogue partner and begin sharing! If you don't have a dialogue partner, find your best friend and begin sharing!
Hopefully, your dialogue partner or best friend will be understanding, trusting and accepting and will be willing to be involved in your self help project, especially if they are able to reciprocate and find you understanding, trusting and accepting in return! If your best friend is not willing or able to be understanding and accepting of your feelings, you might try looking for another best friend! With a rejecting friend like that around, who needs enemies? If you don't have a dialogue partner, get on your knees and share your thoughts and feelings to God and ask for his help ... then be willing for that help. The Obstacle Course To Success Sometimes a person simply can't take a deep breath and start sharing feelings! Sometimes they can't seem to ever increase their honesty and acceptance levels to the point where they can express their feelings the right way. Sometimes their path to success looks like an obstacle course littered with Group 4 Stress Symptoms. Progress toward honesty appears impossible. Their pain and discomfort seem to block their awareness that their Expression /Acceptance Barriers are needed to express their anger inappropriately. It would seem, to listen to them, that fear, not anger, is involved in creating their Expression /Acceptance Barrier. We might hear thoughts like these: "What would happen if I told them how I felt?" or "What if I say the wrong thing?" or "What would I do if they got mad at me?" or "I don't think I could handle it if my feelings were rejected!" or "Regardless of what you think, I'm not angry!" Each of these thoughts implies the existence of fear and specifically, the fear of rejection. Remember though, where there's fear, there's also anger! A person who is afraid of rejection will be angry toward the rejector! What are they angry enough to feel like doing?
Hopefully, you'll not find yourself using the Expression/Acceptance Barrier to express your anger! But if you do, please know that you can still make it through your self-imposed obstacle course to success. It's the most difficult way of all to break through the barrier but it is possible. somehow you'll have to become aware of your resistance to change, your extremely high anger level, and your inappropriate use of the barrier to express your anger. If you're reading these articles, you've got what it takes to make changes, so go for it! Which Route You Going To Take? You have three routes to choose from: the freeway, the secondary roads, or the obstacle course. You'll either take a deep breath and start sharing feelings (that's the fastest way!), or you'll increase your acceptance levels until you are able to express feelings (this will get you there too!), or you'll become aware of how you use the barriers to express your anger inappropriately and take steps to reduce the anger level (Good luck!) The choice is up to you!
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