Chapter 18. What Do I Say Now? Only Four Options!

It hasn't been any fun carrying around unexpressed and unresolved feelings toward the people you love, or would like to love. It's just too stressful!

Deep down inside, you know you'd like to make peace with your Primarys. You know when you do that it'll be easier to make peace with your Secondarys. You know that as your stress levels come down, your stress symptoms will be alleviated and it'll be easier to exchange Class 3 and 4 Stress Symptoms for Class 1 and 2 Stress Symptoms. Finally, you know you'll feel better about yourself and others when you can express your feelings honestly and appropriately and you'll be happier than you ever have been in your life.

So you've decided to leave the Starting Point and go through the steps to Honesty in Communication. You've come through your first barrier, recognized your feelings and accepted them. You've come through your second barrier and now you're ready to express your feelings. You realize that one of the greatest expressions of love in the world is to be reconciled with those you're angry toward and you're ready to reconcile! But having never been taught at any age by any one how to express feelings the right way, how do you know what to say?

It's really very simple. When under stress, you only have four options to choose from. PLEASE MEMORIZE THEM :

Stress Option A: Express feelings the right way.

Stress Option B: Accept feelings

Stress Option C: Express feelings the wrong way.

Stress Option D: Reject feelings.

Children learn by example how to express feelings inappropriately and how to reject the feelings of others. For the most part, our parents, our schools, and our churches have failed to teach us how to express feelings the right way and how to accept feelings from others. When under stress, what do you say and do?

"I just get quiet." (Stress Option D)

"I just leave." (Stress Option D)

"I tell the other person what I think." (Stress Option C)

"I tell them off." (Stress Option C)

"I go eat something." (Stress Option C)

"I explain why I said what I did." (Stress Option C)

"I tell them they've nothing to be mad about." (Stress Option D)

"I get a headache." (Stress Option C)

This list can go on and on but you get the idea. Everything we do or say, or don't do or say falls into one of these four categories. Our goal is to minimize Stress Options C and D while maximizing Stress Options A and B.

How do you do this?

Next: Guidelines For Stress Option A - Expressing Feelings the Right Way