THE STEPS TO STRESS REDUCTION
Through Honesty in Communication

I. Steps to Stress Reduction: Graphic

II. Steps to Stress Reduction: Text

Chapter 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20

21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30

31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40

41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48

III. Definition of Terms

IV. Exercises to Increase Awareness

 

Chapter 19. Guidelines For Stress Option A: Expressing Feelings the Right Way

 

There are seven steps to expressing feelings the right way. PLEASE MEMORIZE THESE!

Step 1. Assure Receptor of your love or appreciation.

Step 2. Assume responsibility for your feelings.

Step 3. Tell your feelings as they are.

Step 4. Take Receptor "off the hook".

Step 5. Commit your thoughts and feelings as to what you'd like.

Step 6. Reassure Receptor of your love or appreciation.

Step 7. Be aware of response.

Here are examples of how to assure the Receptor of your love or appreciation:

"I love (appreciate) you."

"I want us both to be happy."

"I don't want any barriers between us."

Here are examples of how to assume responsibility for your feelings:

"It's not your fault. I've got a problem."

"I have some feelings I'd like to share."

Here are examples of how to tell your feelings as they are:

"I'm happy."

"I'm angry over something you said (or did)."

"I'm sad over ..."

"I'm afraid of ..."

Here are examples of how to take your Receptor "off the hook":

"How I feel now is how I used to feel around my Dad (or Mom, Brother, Sister, etc.)"

"What you did reminded me of my Mom."

"You did the very best you could do!"

Here's an example of how to commit your feelings as to what you would like:

"I'd be happy if you would understand and accept."

Here are examples of how to reassure of your love or appreciation:

"Remember, I love (appreciate) you."

"Thanks for listening!"

When you become aware of response, watch and listen for either:

Understanding and acceptance, or

Justification and rejection.

Notice that expressing feelings the right way begins and ends with an expression of love or appreciation. this is important as it helps the Receptor to not take your feelings personally. Assuming responsbility for your feelings simply means not to blame the Receptor for your feelings. "Taking off the hook" completes the assuming responsibility process. Committing your feelings proves you don't require the Receptor to make changes just for you. Each step is important and should be included to some extent every time you express feelings. Equally important however is the avoidance of an expression of feelings that sounds memorized or recorded.

Next: Guidelines for Stress Option B: Accepting Feelings

Stress Reduction Through Honesty in Communication by John Twelker, Copyright 1986, John Twelker Enterprises, Inc.