Chapter 22. Guidelines for Stress Option C: Expressing Feelings the Wrong Way

There are seven steps for expressing feelings the wrong way:

Step 1. Assure Receptor of your hatred or lack of appreciation.

Step 2. Don't assume responsibility for your feelings.

Step 3. Share symptoms, not feelings.

Step 4. Put Receptor on a guilt trip; don't "take off the hook".

Step 5. Demand change of the Receptor.

Step 6. Reassure Receptor of your hatred and lack of appreciation.

Step 7. Don't stay around for a response.

Here are examples of how to assure of your hatred or lack of appreciation:

"I hate you."

"I don't appreciate you at al!."

"You stupid idiot!"

Here are examples of how to NOT assume responsibility for your feelings:

"This is all your fault!"

"If it weren't for you (what you did, what you said) I wouldn't feel this way!"

"You make me so mad!"

Here are examples of how to share your symptoms, not your feelings:

"I'm not upset with you. I've just got a headache."

"I'm just sick and tired of you doing that."

"You're driving me crazy!"

"You're a pain in the neck!"

Here are examples of how to demand change of the Receptor:

"You better get your head screwed on right or else!"

"There's better be some changes or I'm leaving!"

"If I've told you once, I've told you a 1000 times ... "

Here are examples of how to reassure of your hatred and lack of appreciation:

"I'll always hate you for what you did."

"I'll never forget what you've done or forgive you."

When you fail to stay around for response, make sure you slam the door when you leave! And, leave muttering something to make sure you get the last word in,

Notice that expressing feelings the wrong way begins and ends with an expression of hatred or lack of appreciation. This is important as it comes close to forcing the Receptor to take your feelings personally. To guarantee rejection of your feelings, be sure not to assume responsibility for your feelings and instead blame the Receptor for them. Also, do your best to put Receptor on a guilt trip and whatever you do, don't take Receptor "off the hook". Demanding change of the Receptor completes this insult and lets you come out on top. It proves you to be right and the Receptor to be wrong and in need of change. Each step is important and should be included to some extent every time you express feelings. Equally important however is making sure you express feelings like a broken record played at full volume.

Next: Guidelines for Stress Option D