Chapter 23. Guidelines for Stress Option #D: Rejecting Feelings the Wrong Way

There are two steps to rejecting feelings the wrong way:

Step 1. Be rejecting verbally.

Step 2. Be rejecting in body language.

Here are examples of how to be rejecting verbally:

"I just don't understand you! How could you ...?"

"I'd never feel like that. How could you ...?"

"Don't you ever talk to me like that again ..."

"Me apologize to you? No way! I'll never ..."

"Just take your old feelings and stuff them ..."

"Don't be angry with me! I was just ..."

"But, all I was trying to say was ..."

"Let's discuss this intelligently. Now ..."

"Can't we get this thing over with. I mean ..."

Total silence

Here are examples of how to be rejecting in body language:

Either avoid eye contact or stare.

Shake your head "no"

Look upset, angry and impatient.

Fold your arms defiantly.

Be hyperactive.

Fall asleep.

Start some activity.

Rejection of feelings uses a maximum of words or no words at all. If you find yourself totally silent or talking excessively, you're rejecting. If you defend, justify, explain, or say "but" often, you're rejecting. If you try hard to convince the Expressor of your acceptance, chances are you're rejecting! Your insincerity, coolness, and dishonesty and your many words of rejection or pseudo acceptance will drive your Expressor up the wall!

In terms of body language, be sure to look anywhere but in your Expressor's eyes and give the impression of "Here we go again!" Or, just stare at your Expressor and try hard to give the appearance of being upset, angry and impatient. If you choose to stand still, be sure to fold your arms defiantly. If you choose to move around, be sure to wave your arms wildly. Rejection and intimidation work well together to unnerve your Expressor.

Next: Seeing Yourself in Guidelines #C and #D?