Chapter 3. The Pleasure of Pain

Believe it or not, there's a payoff to having your particular stress symptoms! You maintain your Class 1 "fun" and Class 2 "rewarding" stress symptoms because they are enjoyable and socially acceptable! You keep your Class 3 "seems like fun" stress symptoms because you "enjoy" them also ... even though they always increase stress levels and may not be socially acceptable (although we're seeing that change more and more all the time ... but remember, "Right is right regardless how few do it and wrong is wrong regardless how many people do it"!). And, what about your Class 4 "neither fun nor rewarding nor seem fun" stress symptoms. Would you believe you "enjoy" them also! At this point I always get the same reaction:

"You're crazy if you think I enjoy this headache!"

"You just don't know how it feels to be overweight!"

"Oh sure, you think I'm having fun being sick!"

"I was born this way and I can't change it!"

Try this the next time you begin getting a tension headache. At the first sign of pain, immediately ask yourself these questions and answer them:

"Who or what's bugging me?"

"What are my feelings toward the person involved?"

"Can I accept my angry feelings toward what that person has done or said?"

"Can I accept my anger enough to express it in the right way?"

Or, the next time you begin getting an uncomfortable lead ball sensation in the stomach, immediately ask yourself these questions and answer them:

"Who or what's bugging me?"

"What are they saying or doing or not saying or doing that I'm becoming angry about?"

"Do those words or actions by any chance emotionally remind me of my Mom?

"What are my feelings toward them for what they are doing or saying?"

"Can I accept my angry feelings?"

"Can I accept my anger enough to express it in the right way?"

Or, the next time you begin getting a tight chest, immediately ask yourself these questions and answer them:

"Who or what's bugging me?"

"What are they saying or doing or not saying or doing that I'm becoming angry about?"

"Do those words or actions by any chance emotionally remind me of my Dad?

"What are my feelings toward them for what they are doing or saying?"

"Can I accept my angry feelings?"

"Can I accept my anger enough to express it in the right way?"

Or, the next time you start feeling the urge to be sexually irresponsible, immediately ask yourself these questions and answer them:

"Who or what's bugging me?"

"What are they saying or doing or not saying or doing that I'm becoming angry about?"

"Who do those words or actions emotionally remind me of?

"What are my feelings toward them for what they are doing or saying?"

"Are those feelings increasing my need for warmth and affection?

"Can I accept my angry feelings?"

"Can I accept my anger enough to express it in the right way?"

In each case, if you can accept your anger, then you can choose to express it the right way! Let it out. Just make sure you let it out in a way you can feel good about. What happens to your stress symptom? If your headache or tightness in the stomach or chest or desire for sexual irresponsibility in one of its many forms was stress related (and chances are it was), it's possible you're feeling some relief by the time you finish the accepting self-talk and begin expressing the anger.

Often pain and discomfort is Nature's way of signaling you to be honest with your feelings and to share your emotional hurt lest it become physical pain or some action that just makes things worse! If your habit pattern of life is to avoid expressing feelings, could it be you've learned to "enjoy" your pain, discomfort and worsening situation more than the alternative of honesty?

My friend, whatever your stress symptom, you have it because that's the way your body reacts when under stress or because you choose to react that way when under stress ... and it's more enjoyable to keep on doing it than to learn new and better ways of dealing with stress. That's one of the challenges of being human!

As long as you're alive, you'll have to put up with your body's physical, neurological, attitudinal and emotional reactions to stress. Although you have little control over their onset, you do have some control over how long you experience these reactions and what you choose to think, say and do in an effort to relieve them!

If you choose to do nothing, or engage in stress symptoms that "seem like fun" but in reality just increase the stress, or maintain stress symptoms that are "neither fun nor rewarding" but instead are uncomfortable or painful and can lead to more serious symptoms, then the message is clear:

You keep your particular stress symptoms because they are more enjoyable than the alternative of honesty in communication!

 

Next: Practice Makes Perfect So Be Careful What You Practice