Chapter 32. We Don't Need to Default To the Starting Point

In the classic game of Monopoly, there was always the risk of receiving the "Go Directly To Jail. Do Not Pass Go. Do not collect $200" card. We had no choice! It was simply a matter of chance. In the game of life, there is always the risk that the feelings we have expressed will be rejected. But we have far more control over that possibility and our reactions to it than we do over going to jail during a Monopoly game!

One thing is for sure: we don't need to default to the Starting Point when our feelings are rejected! We do have a choice! Just as we can choose to express our feelings in a way that makes their acceptance either difficult or easy, we can also choose to reject or accept our own feelings!

If we choose to express our feelings the wrong way (Stress Options C and D) we can almost guarantee that we'll end up in emotional solitary confinement! We'll either put ourselves there or others will do it for us.

If we choose to express our feelings the right way, we can feel good about the way we've handled our feelings and can know the Receptor will be more likely to accept them, but remember, no guarantee!

If we choose to reject our feelings, we choose to default to the Starting Point which again almost guarantees that we'll end up in emotional solitary confinement! It's not a pleasant experience!

If we choose to accept our own feelings, we can remain in control, avoid defaulting to the Starting Point, and continue choosing Stress Options A and B.

It is of utmost importance that you be your own best parent or your own best friend and always accept your own FEELINGS even when nobody else around you does! It's always inappropriate to reject your own FEELINGS or the FEELINGS of others!!! You can and should disapprove of and reject your own inappropriate ACTIONS and WORDS ... but always be accepting of your FEELINGS and express them in a mature and responsible way!

Sometimes though, you're unaware of your personal rejection of your feelings. There are several signs that this is happening. You may find yourself thinking that:

"There's no way I can ever find anyone who will accept my feelings", or

The anger I've recognized and expressed is wrong and I feel guilty", or

"I don't feel good. For some reason some of my stress symptoms are beginning to reoccur", or

"Nobody loves me. All this talk about honesty in communication is just a bunch of hogwash", or

"I'll never get better. I'm doomed to live out the rest of my natural life with my difficulties".

 

Next: Guilt