Chapter 39. Helping Others Move Toward Affection

 

When someone has shared their feelings toward you and your response has been one of understanding and acceptance, their happiness will drive them toward wanting affection If however, they block, your privilege is to help them through that block,. You'll know when the block has occurred by watching and listening. They may start to move toward you; then they may start to reach out; you may see them look into your eyes and then suddenly turn away; they may become quiet or begin talking about irrelevant trivia. At that point, encourage them with a statement like this:

If they continue blocking or deny wanting affection, encourage them with a commitment of your feelings and willingness to be accepting of both their happiness and their desire to be close:

Hopefully, your friend will be able to express their anger, perceive your acceptance, express their happiness and get affection. If they persist in their blocking, understand they have been emotionally burned in the area of affection and they need your patient understanding and acceptance. continue to choose Stress Option A or B or a combination of both.

The Expressor's main difficulty at this point is their inability to accept their own feelings and their desire and need for affection. You might even have to be very firm as you express your own feelings:

Sometimes your repeated choosing of Stress Option A or B will work and sometimes it won't. If it doesn't, simply choose Stress Option B with Exit:

More Words of Caution

 

Let affection come naturally. To be rewarding, affection must be honest and spontaneous. If it's dishonest and forced, it won't satisfy.

Let affection come from happiness. If you're upset and angry, avoid affection until you've resolved your anger. Never try to cover your anger with affection or try to cover another person's anger with affection.

Let affection supplement love, not be a substitute for it. Remember, going through the Steps to Stress Reduction Through Honesty In Communication is an act of love! It's one of the most loving things you could ever do! However, avoid substituting the affection step for one of the other steps! It's doesn't take the place of recognizing your feelings, or accepting them, or expressing your feelings the right way or expressing your acceptance of feelings! If however, in the expression of feelings you are impressed to take your Receptor's hand as you assure them of your love or appreciation, it's O. K.! You can even hold their hand as you express your anger as a sign of your love and care, concern and sincerity.