Chapter 4. Practice Makes Perfect So Be Careful What You Practice

Behavior modification experts teach that new habits are formed by repetitiously practicing the new behavior for three weeks.

To make honesty in communication a new habit pattern of life, simply commit yourself to choose Stress Symptoms Group #1 or Group #2 every time you're under stress and make those choices consistently for three weeks.

Be aware of your happiness every time you make the right choice! At the end of the three weeks, you'll be amazed how much easier it is to communicate and how much happier you are!

Where Are You on the Steps to Honesty in Communication?

There's something very interesting about the Steps to Honesty in Communication!

At any given moment, everyone is somewhere on those steps!

It seems that many people are at the Starting Point most of the time. They're stressed out! If they do happen to express feelings, it's usually in the wrong way. If they are getting affection, it's usually dishonest. And if they're expressing sexual feelings, it's often out of anger instead of happiness or love. They haven't left the Starting Point! Where are you most of the time? You could be:

At the Starting Point, all stressed out with many inappropriate symptoms, OR

Up against the Recognition/Acceptance Barrier, unable to go on, OR

On Step 1, Recognition of Feelings, faced with returning to the Starting Point if you fail to recognize your feelings or continuing on to the next step, OR

On Step 2, Rejection/Acceptance of Feelings, faced with returning to the Starting Point if you fail to accept your feelings or ready to continue on to the next step, OR

Up against the Expression/Acceptance Barrier, recognizing how you feel but unable to express it, OR

On Step 3, Expression of Feelings, faced with returning to the Starting Point if you fail to choose Stress Option A: Express Feelings the Right Way OR Stress Option B: Accept Feelings and continue on to the next step, OR

On Step 4, Rejection/Acceptance of Feelings From Within and Without, faced with returning to Step 1 if you fail to accept what you expressed or if your expression was rejected or continuing on to the next step, OR

Up against the Affection/Acceptance Barrier, wanting to be close but unable to make the move, OR

On Step 5, Affection, faced with returning to the starting point if you don't make the move or continuing on to the next step, OR

On Step 6, Rejection/Acceptance From Within or Without, faced with returning to Step 1 if you fail to accept your need, desire and enjoyment of affection or if your move toward affection was rejected. Or,

On Step 7, at The Goal With Stress Symptoms Under Control or Alleviated.

I think it's a good idea to memorize these steps and thoroughly understand them. Then you'll be able to tell where you are and where anybody else is at any given time. Regretfully though, knowing where you are and where you're going isn't enough! You've actually got to go there and unfortunately there are three barriers that can block your progress. Breaking through the first two barriers may be difficult but breaking through the final barrier may seem almost impossible. Once the breakthrough is made, it's a little easier the next time especially if you have the support and encouragement of an understanding parent, spouse or friend.

Now, if you're ready, let's move on from The Starting Point to The Recognition/Acceptance Barrier.

 

Next: The Recognition/Acceptance Barrier

 

Stress Reduction Through Honesty in Communication by John Twelker, Copyright 1986, John Twelker Enterprises, Inc.