THE STEPS TO STRESS REDUCTION
Through Honesty in Communication

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I. Steps to Stress Reduction: Graphic

II. Steps to Stress Reduction: Text

Chapter 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20

21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30

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41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48

III. Definition of Terms

IV. Exercises to Increase Awareness

 

Chapter 42. How to Help Others Accept Affection

 

It's stressful to see others climb all the way up the Steps to Stress Reduction Through Honesty in Communication only to see them fall right back down to the Starting Point because of their inability to accept their need, desire and enjoyment of affection or their inability to accept rejection of their affection from others. At that point you would like to be of help to them but sometimes you might wonder how.

Remember the rule: when under stress, either express your feelings the right way (Stress Option A) or accept the feelings of the other person (Stress Option B).

Next, continue on through the Steps to Stress Reduction making sure you complete all the steps!

The best way you can help others accept their need, desire and enjoyment of affection is to accept your own and be a warm, available person yourself. To merely talk about affection is of little value. After all, what can you say when a person asks you how it is you know so much but you're so cool (or cold or up tight)?

 

Final Words of Caution

 

Being a good example will help you feel great about yourself and it might be of help to others but remember, there are no guarantees! In fact, it may not help at all! It might even work against you! Your maturity may actually be threatening to the less mature. Now what?

Sooner or later, you, the "helper" must realize that help can be given only to those who desire help.

After you have done your part and have done it well, you have absolutely no control over whether the other person gets help or makes any changes or not. The only thing in life you have any control over is yourself!

Yes, it's sad when people close to you continue enjoying their "painful" or "seems like fun" stress symptoms and choose not to change and you can be angry about that! Remember, their anger level may be so high that it drives them to destroy themselves or others. After you have provided the best example you can and shared with them of your knowledge and understanding, regretfully there's little more you can do, except pray!

A common mistake many "helpers" make is assuming responsibility for those who resist change. "If only I had done this differently" or "What am I doing wrong?". These may be valid questions which deserve answers. After all, none of us are perfect and we'll carry many of our blind spots and deaf spots with us until the day we die. But, a word of caution: avoid assuming more responsibility than is yours to assume! So you make some mistakes. What else is new? We all make mistakes. After all is said and done, the person you are trying to help must assume responsibility for themselves and if their anger level remains high, it will limit their progress. Therefore,

Become aware of your own challenges for improvement and deal with them but let the other person assume responsibility for and deal with theirs.

Detach yourself emotionally from the one you are trying to help and don't take their failure to change personally!

Remember, your maturity may actually be a threat to the immature.

Finally, after you've done all you can to help, it may just be time to step back and let time and patience and perhaps others have a chance to do their work.

 

Next: Step 7 Stress Symptoms Under Control or Alleviated

 

 

Stress Reduction Through Honesty in Communication by John Twelker, Copyright 1986, John Twelker Enterprises, Inc.