What feeling(s) do I have about what this person is saying or
not saying, doing or not doing?
Is this person a Primary or Secondary?
If person is a Primary, how have I always responded when
Primary behaves this way?
What do I think about my responses? (Thoughts
please!)
How do I feel about my responses? (Feelings
please!)
Is there anything I would like to do instead?
What are my feelings toward Primary right now? (Again,
limit your choice of feelings toward to "happy" or "angry"
please!)
If person is a Secondary, which Primary do they emotionally
remind you of? (Father, Mother, Brother, Sister, etc.)
Are you aware that the reason you have strong feelings
toward Secondary is because of unresolved strong feelings toward
Primary?
Are you aware that the Secondary you're angry with is a
scapegoat for your anger toward your
Primary?
What am I experiencing physically? (tension, pain, anxiety,
lack of energy, catching a cold, etc.
Since body language is always trying to tell the truth, what
do you think your physical reaction is telling you? Here are some
possibilities:
Tension or tightness in chest or stomach is often a sign of
feelings of rejection and thus anger toward person perceived as
rejecting. Who do I perceive as rejecting me?
Pain, like a headache, neck ache, shoulder ache, or
backache, often is a sign of difficulty in accepting one's own
anger. Am I thinking perhaps my anger is wrong, sinful, evil,
unjustified or irrational? Which one(s)?
Lower backache is often a sign of sexual tension. Am I
accepting my sexual feelings and my need to express them the right
way?
Generalized anxiety often is a sign of fearfulness and
being hung up on fear rather than coming to grips with anger. Who
or what am I afraid of and am I aware of my anger toward that
object or person?
Lack of energy often is a sign of denial of anger and the
energy used to stuff the anger saps the strength. Who or what am I
angry toward?
Lowered resistance and depressed immune system functioning
is one of the first signs of stress and what could be more
stressful than unresolved feelings. What's bugging me?
What am I thinking? Are my thoughts positive or
negative?
(If positive, the demands placed on your body by stress
will be lessened).
(If negative, the anger you feel toward someone or
something is not being expressed the right way an is turning
inward and affecting the way you think about
yourself).
How's my appearance? Look in the mirror. Am I frowning, is my
mouth tense or corners down, or my complexion pale, or circles under
my eyes? These are common signs of stress. What's bugging
me?
What am I doing? Reaching for a cigarette, or a stimulant
like strong coffee, alcohol or drugs, or a tranquilizer or escaping
into TV or a book? these are common signs of stress. What feelings
am I stuffing and bottling up?
What am I saying? do I find myself being critical, sarcastic,
negative, insulting, or inappropriately witty? Again, these are
common signs of the stress of unresolved feelings. Who am I upset
with but not being reconciled with?