Chapter 61. Answers to Stress Option C/D: Accepting Feelings

Instructions

First, compare your answers with those suggested here and correct any you might have missed.

Then, underline or yellow highlight every statement on your exercise Sheets that has a suggested answer of "R".

Then, when under stress, try to avoid using statements you have marked with "W". Instead, chose one of those marked "R" and you have just underlined or yellow highlighted. (Incidentally, a good way to tell when you're under stress is if you find yourself using statements with a suggested answer of "W"!

"R" = STRESS OPTION C: ACCEPT FEELINGS

"W" = STRESS OPTION D: REJECT FEELINGS

"W" "I was only trying to explain why I aid that."

Explanations and defenses for your behavior are in reality simply ways you reject feelings and make yourself look good.

"R" "I accept your feelings!"

You've expressed your acceptance simply and to the point. Good job!

"W" "If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't feel that way."

You reject the feelings shared buy the Expressor bercause you cannot accept your own feelings.

"W" "What's your problem?"

Your response is a rejection of the feelings just expressed and very inappropriate. Even if you meant to be helpful, your question would put the Expressor on the spot and thus is inappropriate. A better way would be to simply commit your own feelings: "If something is bugging you, I'd be happy to have you share it with me".

"W" "Oh, don't be angry with me, come here, give me a hug."

You reject feelings and then attempt to smother the anger with affection. Very dishonest.

"R" "Thank you for sharing your feelings with me. I accept them!"

Excellent! You've expressed your acceptance of feelings in a neat way.

"W" "Why do you confuse me. I just don't understand you!"

Your question is a rejection of feelings and your statement is an ainappropriate expression of feelings. the reason a person tries to confuse another is because it's their way to express anger. Your privilege is to accept that anger, regardless of whether or not they expressed it the right way. Two wrongs don't make a right.

"W" "I just can't understand how you could say that!"

It's great if feelings can be understood AND accepted, but understanding is not a pre-requisite to acceptance, and thus your statement is a rejection of the feelings expressed.

"R" "I can't understand right now but I accept your anger!"

It's great if feelings can be understood AND accepted, but understanding is not a pre-requisite to acceptance, and thus your statement is valid.

"W" "You don't know what you're talking about!"

This statement reveals your total inability to accept feelings.

"W" "I don't like your expressing feelings so no more!"

Again, this statement reveals your total inability to accept feelings with an attempt to prevent their further expression.

"R" "You can be angry with me. That;s O. K. I understand."

Excellent! Your statement is very accepting.

"W" "Son, you've been watching TV all day. Go outside now."

Chances are, your son is using tv as an escape and a way to silently expres shis anger toward you. Not understanding this or being able to accept his anger, you get "up rtight" but instead of expressing your feelings the right way or accepting his feelings, you simply alientate jhim even more.

"R" "If I were in your shoes, I'd feel the same way!"

Your statement would definitely help the Expressor know that you accept their feelings.!

"R" "I sense something is really bugging you. I'd be happy to listen if you want to talk."

You've done a good job setting the mood for the Expressor to share their feelings in an atmosphere of understanding and acceptance. Your statement is an expression of acceptance "in advance".

 

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Stress Reduction Through Honesty in Communication by John Twelker Copyright 1986, John Twelker Enterprises, Inc.