Chapter 7. To See or Not to See, That is the Question

The primary purpose of this chapter is to help you recognize feelings by calling attention to some of the things that occur at the emotional level that arouse feelings. A secondary purpose is to aid you in being of help to others who may be having difficulty in this area of recognizing feelings.

You are usually aware of the things other people do or say or don't do or don't say that you like or don't like, but ... it's sometimes difficult to assign the feelings! Also, it's often difficult to be aware of what that act means to you emotionally!

Remember, it's important to recognize the feelings if you're going to handle that feeling appropriately. You cannot control that which you cannot see!

Picture yourself in the drivers seat of a car speeding down a winding road with no guardrail. There's a cliff to the right! All is going well until suddenly the steering wheel disappears. At that point, you become an accident looking for a place to happen! Unless you find the steering wheel quickly, you're going to take a shortcut down the hill!

Handling feelings works the same way. If you're under stress and your feelings "disappear" and you can't recognize which feeling state is on top, you have become an emotional accident looking for a place to happen! Unless you recognize your feelings quickly, you're likely to take an emotional shortcut right to a stress symptom and chances are it won't be a "fun" or "rewarding" one! For example, suppose you find yourself fearful or expressing some angry feelings. You're afraid the Receptor couldn't possibly understand and accept.

Your fear might prompt you to skip over the barriers and through the steps right to affection in order to reassure the Receptor that you're not angry! In reality this affection is only a "seems like fun" stress symptom and thus is valueless.

Dishonest affection does not satisfy your innate desire and need for affection nor is it a deeply rewarding and enjoyable experience. For affection to be of value, it must be honest! Remember,

there are no shortcuts to the steps to stress reduction through honesty in communication!!! If you try to take a shortcut, you default to the Starting Point!!!

Next: Recognizing Anger