Chapter 9. Recognizing Happiness

Let's take a look at some of the things that can occur at the emotional level that can arouse feelings of happiness.

How do you feel (not, what do you think!) when someone assumes responsibility for their feelings and "takes you of the hook"?

"I have some feelings I"d like to share. It's not your fault! I'm angry. What you said is really bugging me. It reminds me so much of my Dad! I'm not asking you to change! I'd be happy if you could understand and accept my feelings."

How do you feel (not, what do you think!) when someone expresses anger toward what you've done or said rather than toward you as a person?

"I'm not angry with you! It's just something you did. I love you but I'm having difficulty with what you did and it's really bugging me! It's not your fault!"

How do you feel (not, what do you think!) when someone apologizes to you for making you a Scapegoat for their anger toward their Primarys?

"I've realized that lately you've been getting a double dose of my anger. One was toward my Primarys and the other was toward what you said that reminded me of them. I'm sorry! I'm not going to make you a Scapegoat any more!"

How do you feel (not, what do you think!) when someone is upset and shares it immediately instead of hanging onto it?

"A few minutes ago you did something that really bothered me. I want to take care of it now instead of letting it build up between us. It's not your fault but right now I'm angry."

"You may have noticed something is bothering me. I want you to know it's not you. Something happened at work today that's really bugging me. I'd like to share it with you if that's O. K."

How do you feel (not, what do you think!) when someone makes it clear that although they may disapprove of how you think, they can unconditionally accept how you feel?

"I can't agree with you on that one and I guess we'll have to agree to disagree. But I can sure understand your feelings. If I were in your shoes, I'd feel the same way!"

"I'd be angry enough to quit too! I can't agree with you that quitting is the best thing to do but I can sure understand how you feel!"

How do you feel (not, what do you think!) when someone gives you a firm, warm handshake, looks you right in the eye, and tells you how happy they are to see you again?

It's so important that we recognize how we feel and see our feelings for what they are. The answer to each of the preceding questions is obviously "happy" although there may also be some anger present if we happened to be threatened by honesty. Our challenge is to express that happiness or anger appropriately.

Next: Recognizing Fear

 

Stress Reduction Through Honesty in Communication by John Twelker, Copyright 1986, John Twelker Enterprises, Inc.